The days just keep getting stranger, heavier and more laden with anticipation. For a while I let myself get caught up in it all, thinking and hoping that the baby might really come at any moment. But that tact was beginning to leave me breathless with anticipation, so I've now taken the new approach of trying to just settle down about it all and try to keep myself busy.
I had an appointment with my midwife on Tuesday and found out that there has been no change since the week before. I'm still 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. This was disappointing to hear and part of what led to my deflation about the whole thing. After all of my/our efforts to speed this process along (efforts that are tastefully described here by a friend who is now 9 or 10 days overdue) Greg and I were both quite dismayed to learn that nothing had changed.
The baby is just going to come when it's ready. Be it today (please??) or in 3 weeks (oh, please don't let this go on that much longer). I'm technically due one week from tomorrow: June 6.
Last night I was going through photos from last summer and I can't believe how skinny and lithe I once was. It's hard to believe that I ever had a body that wasn't as huge and awkward as the one I now occupy. It's hard to believe that I may one day have that body back again. I miss it. But really, there's no sense in thinking about all that right now. These last few weeks of pregnancy are the ultimate lesson in trying to be present, to simply be what is. Breathe, Claire, breathe.
I'm spending the day at home writing today and it's impossibly lovely outside. I'll take a walk to the square later and we're having dinner with friends tonight. Plans to go to Green City Market tomorrow and yoga on Sunday. Not much else to report. Just waiting. And breathing.
